I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
