I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
