i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
