he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
