There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
