does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize