How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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