I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
