I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
