Pappa wants mamma naked
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
