Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I just googled if crying burns calories
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
