where am i from again
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
