Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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