Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Pooping to opera.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
