My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
