i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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