You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
