can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
