Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
My vagina just recognized that song.
Let's paint friendship bongs
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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