i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
