you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
