Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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