I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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