i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
