i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
did i walk over a car last night?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
