I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
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