Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
