U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
