I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
