There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
