My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
