I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I want to make a zoo with you.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
