I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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