No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
false alarm. still invincible.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
