Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
