Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
