If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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