it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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