As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
