You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Randomize
