Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
