Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
