they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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