went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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