I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
A+ Viking dick
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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