??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
