I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
