I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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