She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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