Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
